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Illness Is The New Black

Is Illness really all that bad?


Sickness is traditionally reviled as having zero upsides. In our state of malaise, we are impugned to “grin and bear it”; To suffer on through the pain and suffering, and to stoically claw our way out the other side of our valley of tears as quickly as possible; But a new-found trend has emerged which casts different light on a predicament that afflicts all living creatures- except perhaps the mayfly who doesn’t live long enough to get sick. Not only do we no longer revile illness; We have learned to embrace it. In fact, being ill has become quite fashionable; When we look at the growing list of celebrities who have found even more love, fame and acceptance due to physical infirmities, it makes us wonder if healthy people are actually missing out.

If It’s Good Enough For Kate Middleton Then It’s Good Enough For The Rest Of Us…


Who doesn’t envy the kind of attention that the world bestows upon Princess Kate? Just look at the fascinating drama that recently unfolded over the family photograph that she (allegedly) doctored, culminating in a level of intrigue that hasn’t been seen since the publication of the Warren Report. Conspiraloons faced off against hysterical fanatics on the interwebs in an epic battle to disprove each other’s pet theories about what had happened to the Princess of Wales, who seemed to have disappeared for, like…. forever. When she finally appeared what did we find but lo and behold, she too, just like her father-in-law King Charles has succumbed to terminalness.

Trends Now Becoming Trendier


In the age of the internet, where attention spans are spiralling ever increasingly towards zero, the production of new and more spicy news items has become a matter of life and death* for a legacy media that is beginning to see it’s own demise. New fads must be found ASAP, and topics that were previously off-limits are being unearthed, dusted off and given new life.

Poignant tombstone to a social media Princess: “Here Lies KatyPerry3472. Mourn me not for my Instagram page is eternal.”

Dead Cool


We’re at an age where even death itself is no longer a reason to wear a frown. In the age of Instagram, life will be fabulous until the end of time; Whether we’re living with a horrible physical deformity, a terminal illness, or feeling regret for having butchered ourselves, the time is right to wrap our emotions up in a tear-filled Tik-Tok post to share with a world that is only dying* to hear from us. When one witnesses the ever-accelerating rate of celebrity death, one can’t help but feel a pinch of envy those whose poignant epitaphs command several column inches (or even pages) in Hello Magazine.

Are Some Sicknesses Better Than Others?


What kind of illness is preferable? It all depends on individual taste. Some prefer terminal to get it over-with, while others prefer a lingering affliction which maximises media potential and sympathy.

The Economic Benefits Of Disease


Think about it: What kind of pharmaceutical industry would we have if everyone was healthy? Answer: None. It is illness that keeps vital parts of our economy healthy. Pfizer, GlaxoSmithKline, J&J, Lilly, Gilead, ModeRNA wouldn’t even exist without human misery, which is one more reason to feel good when feeling bad.

Pfizer share price chart looks like they really need more ill people.

Popular Illnesses/ Death Pathways:


Heart Attack



Lyme disease

Multiple Sclerosis


Sjogren’s syndrome



Hashimoto’s disease


Graves’ Disease


Kidney Dysplasia






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