It snowed a lot last night and I was inspired

8:00 am: I made a snowman.

8:10 – A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn’t make a snow woman.

8:15 – I made a snow woman.

8:17 –  My feminist neighbour complained about the snow woman’s voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.

8:20 – The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and complained that it should have been two snowmen.

8:22 – The transgender man… woman… person… it… asked why I didn’t just make one snow person with detachable parts.

8:25 – My vegan neighbours complained about the carrot nose, as vegetables are food and not for decorating snow figures.

8:28 – I was being called a racist because the snow couple were white.

8:31 – The widdle eastern man across the road demanded that the snow woman be covered up.

8:40 – My feminist neighbour complained again claiming that the snow woman’s broomstick portrayed women in a subservient 3domestic role.

8:42 – The police arrived saying they had a complaint that someone had been offended by my activities with snow.

8:43 – The council equality officer arrived angrily threatening me with eviction for insulting non binary people with my overtly sexualised snow persons.

8:45 – The council planning officer threatened me with prosecution for erecting statues without planning permission.

8:47 – An angry environmentalist accused me of precipitating a possible climate catastrophe by interfering with the natural distribution of snow.

8:50 – RTE’s TV crew arrived asking if I knew the difference between a snowman and a snow woman? I replied ‘snowballs’ and I am now being called sexist.

9:00 – On the news I was described as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe, and a sensibility offender intent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.

9:03 – A psychoanalyst on TV said the snowman and snow woman represented my repressed bisexuality and my hatred for the trans community.

9:10 – I was asked by the police if I had accomplices. My children were taken away by social services and my wife is having a nervous breakdown.

9:30 – Far left protestors offended by everything demonstrated in front of my house demanding that I be arrested for white supremacist and far right activities.

11:05 – The government announced that the erection of offensive snow persons would be included in future hate legislation.

11:10 – Old Johnny arrived congratulating me on two fine snowmen saying he noticed all the admirers who had just left, concluding it’s a pity they won’t last.

12:00 – All the snow had now melted but all of those people continued choosing to be offended and went off in search of more potential offenders.

Moral of the story.

There isn’t one. Snowflakes can cause a lot of drama..


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