HomeNewsCows Wearing Masks in a World Gone Burping Mad

Cows Wearing Masks in a World Gone Burping Mad

In a world gone completely mad scientists claim that one cow one can produce between 250 and 500 litres of methane per day. Now a cow’s face mask has been created that claims to neutralises cow burps has won a £50,000 competition judged by HRH the right Charlie the Prince of Wales. I wonder what was number two or the runner up or was this a one competitor showcase competition?

The Bovine Burping Menace

There are an estimated 1.6 billion cattle or bovines in the world and scientists claim that each one can produce between 250 to 500 litres of methane per day. Cow’s they say with a straight face can emit the gas – which they now claim to be a major contributor to climate change – from both ‘ends’, but they claim that the majority is emitted via belches.

Zero Emissions Livestock Project

Students from the Royal College of Art (RCA) that were tasked with the project of designing a cows face mask that can protect our planet from those nefarious cows belches have developed a solution. The Royal College of Arts ‘Zelp team (Zero Emissions Livestock Project) have designed a cattle’s wearable device that they say will neutralise methane emissions in real time. Have they taken into account the cruelty this device will inflict on the unsuspecting cows or is that an inconvenient consideration?

Inconvenient Nature Ignored for the Narrative

Did nobody ever tell the prince and the scientists who came up with the idea and the award that the inclusion of certain seaweed nutrients can completely eliminates the cow burping and farting menace to the planet? But then what would scientific designers do with such a natural solution which has been around for years but has been ignored by scientists because it does not fit their doomsday farting and belching narrative.

Pomp and Ceremony

The creators of this extraordinary design have been announced as the winners of the Terra Carta Design Lab competition, which was conceived by that right Charlie, HRH The Prince of Wales and the RCA Chancellor, Sir Johnny Ive. The winners were selected by panel of judges consisting of Charlie, The Prince of Wales, Sir Jony Ive, Dr Paul Thompson(Vice-Chancellor of the RCA), and representatives of the Terra Carta Design Lab partners Octopus Energy, The Climate Pledge and Bank of America .

A Fart Neutralising Pamper

The winners are to be awarded £50,000 to further develop their ideas. Maybe they will come up with a fart neutralising pamper next. Zelp member Francisco Norris said with delight: “Winning the Terra Carta Design Lab is a huge honour for ZELP. This is the perfect platform to accelerate a climate solution with a strong design element, and we are eager to continue optimising our technology with the endorsement and the support of the Terra Carta. To deliver substantial emissions reductions globally, addressing the largest source of methane emissions is key – and we remain as motivated as ever to scale our solution and play a part in the decarbonisation of the agricultural sector.” Hold on a minute, when did methane neutralisation become a decarbonisation solution?

If You Think Cows are a Problem

Massive quantities of natural gas are currently being made available for energy generation and chemical production. It is estimated that the worldwide natural gas industry has already produced around 3000 trillion cubic feet of gas and the remaining gas reserve is estimated at 7000 trillion cubic feet and the scientists pick on the cows whose milk they drink and whose flesh they eat.

Put a mask on that

Today’s global demand for natural gas is around 100 trillion cubic feet and is expected to rise to about 130–210 trillion cubic feet by 2030. Therefore, even if half of the natural gas reserves are consumed for generating heat and electricity this corresponds to around 278 billion tonne equivalents of CO2 released into the atmosphere. That’s a lot of greenhouse gas that is currently claimed to contribute to climate change.

Good News for All Except the Cows

The carbon back can be put back into the earth from where it came. But there is more good news. The carbon black (soot to you and me) is very useful as a non toxic natural fertilizer that can enhance the food for cows but then they would sabotage everything by farting and belching. Have they no manners?  Soot is non-toxic to plants and because it is filled with small pores, the soot, sorry, carbon black allows air to diffuse into the soil which helps plant roots to breathe. Carbon black also has the ability to improve nutrient availability and retention for vegetation and plants. It is also very stable chemically compared to organic fertilizers and will not decompose into carbon dioxide over time, therefore providing the advantage of remaining in the soil with its beneficial qualities for hundreds of years. Beat that with apologies to the innocent cows.


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