HomeSatireFather Relieved To Find Illegal Migrants Had Murdered His Family.

Father Relieved To Find Illegal Migrants Had Murdered His Family.

Had Previously Feared A Native Might Have Been Responsible

May 24th Rochester, Kent, UK.

Stephen Aveling was “devastated” as he returned home from work Tuesday last to find his house burnt to a cinder; Within were the smouldering remains of his wife and three children. Neighbours had earlier witnessed a gang of gentlemen run from the burning dwelling which was by then consumed by flames and smoke. The men in question were known to locals and police alike; Therefore apprehending them was quite a routine task according to Police Sergeant Nicholas Ridley. “We’ve picked them up multiple occasions so you didn’t need to be Sherlock Holmes to solve this case. Thankfully this incident wasn’t as bad as some of the others we’ve dealt with this week.” he remarked.

In the arraignment at Bexley Magistrates’ Court on Wednesday Justice Walter de Merton granted the six men bail, stating that “Cultural differences are a huge factor in cases such as this. These men may not understand the laws of England. They deserve our compassion and understanding. Furthermore, they must be allowed their freedom to pursue their asylum applications.”

Mr. Aveling who testified at the hearing gave his full support to the judges decision. “Naturally I’m quite upset at what has happened to my family, but I quite understand that people of different cultures may not appreciate the norms of our society. I know that my family would have had the same view. I’m so glad these men are being treated with the dignity and compassion that they deserve. For a horrifying few moments I feared that one of our local scumbags might have carried out this murder-arson, but my neighbours quickly put me at ease when they informed me that these actions had been carried by illegal migrants. I understand that the courts and police have their jobs to do, and must follow up on what has happened, but it’s my hope that justice will not be too harsh on these disadvantaged men. We as a society need to do more. We need to dig deeper to find the humanity within us that can bring peace and harmony to our towns, cities and country as a whole.”

Crowds of angry far right agitators had gathered outside the courthouse during the hearing to shout abuse at the accused as they were led out by armed police who escorted them to an armoured stretch limousine which had been arranged by the George Soros Open Society Foundation. Crowds of troublemakers were batten-charged and pepper sprayed by mounted police. “If we could have apprehended all of them we would have, but currently our jails currently don’t have the capacity. They’ve been whining about asylum seekers for a very long time, and quite frankly it’s starting to irritate myself and the good people of Rochester.” said Sergeant Ridley.

Far right agitators in Rochester.

The trial of the six accused scheduled to be heard at the Old Bailey in the City of London is expected to be “short and sweet” according to defence barrister James Saville QC. The trial date is set for October 31st. 



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