HomeSatireWhy we urgently need more lockdowns

Why we urgently need more lockdowns


By as early as June of 2020* we knew that contrary to what the scientifically illiterate might say, locking people into their homes, getting them to strap cloths onto their faces and depriving them of air and sunlight would save them from serious risk of death.


There. I said it. We also finally discovered that the myths of natural immunity and nutritional health were just that- myths- which, though they had been accepted as “common sense” and “scientifically proven” by just about every “respected” scientist and physician for more than a couple of hundred years, were found to be nothing more than fantasy. In 2020 we learned that the only way to save humanity was to pin our hopes on the efforts of a handful of well-connected giant corporations hell-bent on pursuing profit. Need proof? No less than will back up everything said here.

Most people just don’t like to hear the truth but there it is.


It has almost become socially unacceptable to praise the forthright and courageous actions of the world’s governing bodies that have saved billions of lives. In a previous article entitled “DISEASE X HAS ALREADY WIPED OUT MOST OF PLANET” we illustrated how the effect of that devastating disease means that today’s population is only a fraction of what it could be. So, what would more Lockdowns achieve? The advantages are too numerous to mention, but let’s outline a few. 



The Lockdowns provided for many of us a sense of control that we never experienced before in our lives; A small shopkeeper became all at once a doctor, policeman and judge combined; Ordinary people- Some who may never have stood up for any cause before in their lives- suddenly became dedicated health experts ready to demand bodily autocracy, albeit in muffled tones behind a mask; Having never had the opportunity to make a real difference in other people’s lives, here at last was a mission to which they could dedicate themselves: Precisely the catharsis that would relieve a lifelong feeling of abject worthlessness.

Cutting Down On Red Tape


Very few of us realise just how much effort goes into running things like the police, the courts, the army, schools, hospitals, roads, airports, and so on. It’s quite a burden, and to put if plainly, Lockdown solves many headaches for administrators. We can go where we want, when we want, meet who we want and say what we want, but we hardly ever seem spare a thought for the over-worked government administrators who have to chase after all the mountains of paperwork that pile up on their desks as a result. Surely we could all give up a little bit of our freedom so that Nancy or Billy down at the Carbon Credits Department don’t have to work so late.

What’s Wrong With Life On Zoom?


In 2020 we realised just how so much of our human interaction is superfluous to existence. Everything we could ever wish for was immediately available at the click of a mouse, whether it be to meet loved ones or to buy goods and services online. In short, going outside has become “nice to have” rather than being necessary. 

Think Of The Jobs


During the Great Panic of 2020 – 22, few of us stopped to think about the role played by those dedicated businessmen and women who supplied us with black and yellow stickers, signage, face masks, hand sanitiser and ventilators. Their mission of mercy may not have been as romantic as that of the shopkeeper-turned-justice-of-the-peace, but without them how else could we have remembered to stay two metres apart, keep a gag over our mouths or have our lives mercifully extended for a few hours in hospital during those crucial months when it mattered so much; But when in early 2022 when the demand for safety goods dropped like a Sienese banker off a balcony, what became of all those business owners and workers whose livelihoods and profits depended so much upon the production of safety goods? Poof! Gone without a word of thanks from an ungrateful public. Restoring their livelihoods by re-instigating Lockdowns would be the very least we could do to say thanks.

Practise Makes Perfect


It’s been so long since Lockdown ended, there is a considerable risk that we may have forgotten many of the hard-won skills and practises we attained in order to pull off such a spectacular feat. But just like the managers of any public building need to run regular fire-drills, the world needs to maintain it’s collective memory of how to lock down society in anticipation of the next Big One that Big Balls Billy has so eloquently done his best to warn us about.

Big Balls Billy. Credit to


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