- It’s the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.
- I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
- I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
- Their 18-year-old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
- I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.
- My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
- I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
- Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
- The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
- Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.
- The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
- Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.
- I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
- Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
- This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can’t get BBC2.
- It’s all right dear, Varadkar will build you a council house after he has housed all the illegal migrants. That’s a promise.
- My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it…
- That will keep Varadkar at bay.
Letters Extracts Written by Council Tenants
