HomeSatire"Fruitface ™" technology will save lives

“Fruitface ™” technology will save lives

Novel tech sends shockwaves through medical community.

8th November 2023 will be remembered as the day when everything changed.”


“We now have an unbeatable weapon against the ravages of disease and aging.” said Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus Director general of the World Health Organization to a startled and somewhat bemused audience in Geneva. Tedros was sporting a new device known as “Fruitface ™” which is a combination of technologies: One part is an extraordinarily simple but ingenious device for attaching fruit to one’s face. The other is more complex: Genetically modified fruit which contains life-enhancing medical treatments; Most importantly it includes as standard much-desired MRNA Booster No. 0007432 which has saved countless lives throughout the world and which is increasing in importance and popularity on a daily basis. “FruitTech ™” or “FDMRNA ™” is a method of delivering life-saving medication via inhalation through the nostrils. The specially modified fruit contains fruit particles that have a bio-release system built in. Almost any kind of microscopic substance can be included.

The awe-inspiring WHO building in Geneva where Mr. Tedros announced the end of disease and death via Fruitface ™.

“This is nothing short of a miracle.” said Tedros as devices and bananas were distributed amongst the muted crowd in the packed chamber. Attendees were busy attaching accompanying bananas to their face using the devices. “We are so excited to announce that this is game over not just for Covid19 but also Covid25 – 50 and beyond. It is game over for disease in general.” Sporadic tittering could be heard around the chamber as some attendees fumbled and dropped the devices; Crushed bananas were easily replaced. “This can obviously be treated with amusement, there will be those who are offended by being laughed at or made to feel different. Therefore we must abandon our tendency to be amused.” said Tadros. “Laughter can be pleasant for some, but it is an unnecessary luxury.” Following Tedros’ statement the crowd quickly sobered up, except for a few smirkers who were swiftly ejected by security who were also wearing bananas. There were a few scuffles as security officers struggled to keep bananas balanced on their Fruitface ™ devices.

The Fruitface ™ is available free as a 3D printable device from Thingiverse. Click here to download the file.

“This has been an enormous combined effort between Translate Bio/Sanofi , Curevac/GlaxoSmithKline, Gritstone/ Gilead, Biontech, Moderna, Kernel Biologics, Arcturus, Ethris/ AstraZeneca, Pfizer and Johnson & Johnson which has taken several days to perfect. It has been tested to extraordinary levels and found to be almost as safe and effective as the injected treatments, which is an extraordinary achievement.” During Tedros’ statement a number of the audience became overwhelmed and fell unconscious; However, medical staff were on hand to assist them to an outdoor facility set up outside the WHO building. “It was found in our test trials with certain people that the shift in consciousness caused by the new technology made them pass out. This is perfectly normal and nothing at all to be concerned about.” said Tedros whose smile was accentuated by his banana. “It’s a phenomenon known as Rapid Consciousness Expansion Syndrome ™.

The food industry is scrambling for new ideas to capitalise on this technology. Many fruits and vegetables are being considered as alternatives to bananas including carrots, turnips, pineapple slices, and tomatoes. The list goes on and on. The cosmetics industry are also getting on board. Names such as “Eau de Grand Reset” and “Essence Transhumaine” have been mentioned.

“I love zis idea.” said Klaus Schwab, CEO of ze Vorld Ekonomik Forum.


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